Hello Neo, my old friend

Hi. My name is Jimmy, and I’m a neophobe.

I’ll pause for a moment while you say “Hi, Jimmy.”

A neophobe is someone who is afraid of anything new. I have a mild form of this disorder, where I avoid trying new things or breaking from routine.

My life is full of examples. One of them is hummus. You know, the pasty foodstuff. I don’t like hummus. It is weird and looks funny. I’ve never really eaten it, but I’m pretty sure I don’t like it and I will take great efforts to make sure it never sits on our dinner table. That’s neophobia.

I like Colgate, the old kind with the white goo that comes in a red tube and has a harsh taste. I don’t like the colored toothpastes even if they taste better. I have asked Kim to scour the city looking for the mid-size tubes of Colgate that I can carry through airport security because I also don’t like those tiny travel tubes. It is very soothing to get my kind of toothpaste in the perfect tube so I fuss when anything else shows up in the cup on our bathroom counter. Classic neophobia.

Sometimes the examples aren’t as harmless. Whenever Kim asks if she can invite new people for dinner, I always say “no.” She inevitably ignores me and moves forward anyway and I have a good time. Just the idea makes me squirm though and I probably miss out on some great people. That’s the price of neophobia.

My son, James, insisted we play pickleball on Sunday. I am also not excited about that. You know why? Neophobia.

I have lived with neophobia for so long and it is such an ingrained part of my life that it’s almost like a separate personality. I think I’ll call it Neo.

Despite Neo’s protests, this weekend I am going to use Crest toothpaste, probably connect with somebody Kim coordinates, and get super sweaty playing pickleball even though I resist each of those things. Neo will be on center stage.

Three years ago, I had a face-off with my old nemesis, Neo. I made a decision to sell a certain amount of money worth of woodworking projects. The idea of selling makes me so uncomfortable that I want to hide in the closet.

I have avoided Sales all of my life starting with mandatory Little League fundraisers and extending through kids’ track. I do not ask people for money. Neo screamed and shouted about how I should avoid these nasty situations.

You may wonder why I chose to spend three years selling my own woodwork if it was going to cause me so much stress.

The idea was to become more empathetic towards my children as they navigate careers, relationships, and adulthood for the first time. The only way for me to truly understand what they are going through was to do something I don’t know anything about and risk total failure. I chose Sales.

The idea has worked. Instead of lecturing them on what I think they should do, I am walking alongside them while we figure out how to succeed. They probably have no idea how uncomfortable it has made me, but that’s OK. At some level, we are sharing the same insecurities.

After three years, I have finally achieved my milestone and am collecting the last few dollars to hit my original goal. That phase of my life is coming to a close. Sales is no longer part of my neophobia, it’s just something I don’t like to do.

As a side note, I don’t plan to abandon woodworking.
However, I am free to settle back into my previous poor business practices and enjoy it as a hobby.

Now I am faced with another crossroads in life. A world of new opportunities lie in front of me. I can reimagine myself or stick with the status quo.

I’ve encountered several of those decision points these past few years – after becoming an empty nester, turning over a ministry, publishing a book, and now abandoning a business pursuit.

It may seem weird to you that I self-identify as a neophobe. After all, I seem to try new things all the time. You may see my actions, but if you haven’t felt my discomfort then you don’t know the real me yet.

I was scared to move the kids out and close a chapter in my life. I was anxious about leading the First Fruits team and then reluctant to release it when the time came. Writing a book carried more stress than I want to talk about. Every time someone asked the cost of a Shalom sign, I stared at my feet and mumbled.

Whatever awaits me in the next chapter of life will probably frighten me more than any of these previous things did. But despite Neo’s inevitable protests, I plan to embrace this next chapter anyway.

Why would anyone do something that makes them feel uncomfortable over and over again?

My answer – I am pursuing something that is bigger than my discomfort.

God has big plans for my life. He has big plans for yours too. The downside is that getting closer to him always requires being uncomfortable – taking a bigger risk. No risk? Then get cozy where you are but know that your kingdom will begin shrinking.

Not sure if you believe me? Then how about these examples?

in Mark 10, Jesus offered a rich young rules a chance to walk with him as a disciple. Neo dissuaded him from change. He missed his chance. Do you imagine his lifestyle ever seemed as sweet afterwards?

In the book of Acts, King Agrippa told Paul, “Almost you persuade me to be a Christian.” He also listened to Neo’s counsel. Wouldn’t his throneroom have become a lonely place afterwards?

King Saul quit waiting on Samuel because Neo told him he would lose the war. He eventually lost his kingdom.

It is ironic that each of these people chose to prize the things that God gave them more than they treasured the One who made the gift. Without him, the good life would quickly lose its alure.

On the other hand, God asked Noah to spend years building a boat. He asked Abraham to leave his family and native country to pursue him. God asked a tongue-tied Moses to become the greatest prophet in the Old Testament. He asked Gideon to lead 300 men against more than a hundred thousand. He asked David to face a giant. He asked Esther, Daniel, and three friends to challenge their kings.

All of them ignored their inner Neo and chose God. Great things followed. God asks us to risk what he has given us for something better with him.

If these guys had declined God’s offer, then he would not have abandoned them. He can’t. He promised that he will never leave us or forsake us. No matter what we do, he will always be there for us. Neo doesn’t have the power to take that away.

But when we choose our comfort over pursuing him, we lose an opportunity for a greater intimacy with him.

Do you want to get closer to God? What are you willing to risk? Get ready, because he will ask. You can’t have something better and still have the same thing as before.

So here I stand at my crossroads. My last chapter has closed. The next chapter is a blank page. What will I choose to fill it with?

One thing is certain. God will offer me something I don’t want to do. Something that makes me scared. He will ask me to sacrifice something that I’m afraid to lose. When He holds out his hand and invites me to hold it, I will have to choose to set aside my neophobia. To choose him over everything that I have.

It is ironic that I struggle to let go of trivial, temporary things when opportunities for eternal greatness present themselves. That is the constant struggle between our spirit and our flesh. It won’t go away this side of Heaven.

While I wait for God’s next offer, I’ll keep trying different things just to see which ones make me nervous. I want to force Neo into action. As I familiarize myself with him, then I will recognize my fear and see it coming from a long way off. I want to know his face, voice, smell, and to recognize his touch. I want to know my fear as well as I know myself because it is the enemy that holds me back.

When God asks me to follow him, Neo will whisper in my ear. He will tell me that I am happy and remind me of everything that I could lose.

But by then hopefully I will recognize both the voices of my tempter and my Shepherd. I will tell Neo that he is right, that I might lose everything. But I will gain the only thing that matters, the only thing that will last forever, the only thing that will bring my heart peace and salvation for my soul.

I will grasp God’s hand and continue my journey with him.

Neo is welcome to come along, he’s just not calling the shots any more.