The prayer of a child

When I was a small child, my parents taught me to say my prayers each night before bed. I can see myself kneeling on the floor with my hands folded together, leaning onto the bed my brother and I shared. The prayer was always the same, it only varied by who I asked God to bless at the end. Sometimes it was just Mom, Dad, Kelly, and Preston. At other times, it included the dog, my grandparents, or anyone else who crossed my mind.

“Now I lay me down to sleep. I pray the Lord my soul to keep. If I should die before I wake, I pray the Lord my soul to take. Amen.”

Later, my prayer life expanded beyond the 31-word recitation at bedtime into saying grace at dinner. Over time, I eventually began to seek God out for different things throughout the day. I would pray to win my Little League game, pass a spelling test, play well at my piano recital, and have fun at a new summer camp. When I was afraid, I would seek him out.

My wish lists did not always come to pass. My Little League all-star team never advanced very far. My spelling improved, but mostly because I started to study harder. My piano recital became a disaster when I forgot where I was in the middle of my song and sat in absolute silence for 15 seconds before suddenly remembering what notes came next. Summer camp was a weird, scary place and I totally freaked out.

Those prayers may not have delivered everything I asked for, but I found comfort asking God for help. When things got scary, I remembered who was in control. My prayers rose to Heaven.

As an adult, my prayers grew to include other people who were scared or hurting, like my men’s group. I love the mighty men that meet at my house each Tuesday night to seek out God’s will. Most weeks we close by listing prayer requests. One-by-one, each person shares an area where they would appreciate prayer.

You can probably guess the usual items on the list. Most requests are for someone who has lost their job, was injured, became sick, is dealing with a strained relationship, or faces some other difficult challenge.

For my friends and in my own life, my prayers have often become requests for hard things to become easy. It seems innocent, but is it a healthy ambition?

The human appetite cannot be satisfied. Whatever you desire, you will always want more. If I am broke, I want enough money to pay my bills. Once I am stable, I crave the freedom of the wealthy.

If I am sick, I want to be healthy. Once I am healthy, I want fountains of energy. If that is granted, I will want to look younger.

It’s the same for my job. If I lose my job, I want a new one. If I get a new one, I don’t want to be worried about losing it again. If it becomes stable, I will pray for God to eliminate my bad days.

If God were to continue to grant all of my requests, my tolerance for discomfort would diminish until the slightest imperfection would be a call for alarm. I would become weak.

Is the answer to embrace the suck and become happy with adversity?

Last year was difficult for me. Instead of raging against the emotional pain, I focused on it, poking myself to see where it hurt the most. When I found a sensitive spot, I probed around until I understood its limits and then posted about the insights gained.

I am learning that pain is not the answer, but wisdom often lies on its other side.

My energy level was so low that I couldn’t do most of the things I normally do. While I prayed to get my mojo back, the downtime forced me to slow down where I could write these posts and then publish them into book form. God gave me quiet time to spend with him, discussing my fears, dreams, and his truth.

People that I love have passed from this earth. By asking myself why I miss them, I remember what I love about them. I am also more attuned that life is short and our time here uncertain. I want to make my life count.

God is using my difficult circumstances to transform my thinking and bring me into closer relationship with him, but along the way, I have been resistant. I continue to pray for easy.

Jesus gave an example of how to pray. He basically said to honor God while we ask for his will to be done, for our basic needs to be met, and for him to hold us safely in his embrace. Jesus didn’t mention removing all unpleasantness.

In my prayers and in my life, I need to ask myself “Do I crave comfort or connection?”

Whichever I choose, I will always want more. I would rather pursue an ever-expanding love instead of constantly-declining pain level.

My prayer life has become confusing. I don’t want to suffer, and I don’t want people I love to suffer either. James 5:16 tells us that “the prayer of a righteous person is powerful and effective.” I need to be thoughtful about what I ask for. Easy may come at the expense of breakthrough, both for me and my friends.

At times, it leaves me wondering what to pray for. As with most things, the answer was always there.

I was on the right track as a small child, kneeling beside my bed, saying, “I pray the Lord my soul to keep.” Come good or come bad, I pray for a stronger faith that he is in control and loves me as much as life itself.

Amen.