If you read my last post, this picks up where it ended. If you didn’t, click here to read it.
Back to the Beginning.
Admitting that I had failed Him in my participation in our group brought a sting. However once I began to move past that a level of excitement started building inside me. The cloud of confusion dissipated and a vision came into focus. If we were to go back to the beginning, I knew what needed to happen.
God has given me an ability to envision new things and then bring them into reality. Without effort, images of a new future emerge and I can see structure form around it. Actions to build those structures follow and names that meet the required skills burst into my mind at a rapid pace. Prioritizing the actions and seeing the first requisite steps immediately follows. My thoughts become obsessed with laying the initial groundwork and my hands busy themselves with the task.
My passions are ignited and I am able to accomplish a lot in a short time.
Kim has learned to recognize the signs that I am moving into this mental space and knows that I will be consumed while I bring the new future into the present. The world around me disappears and all I can think about is my new labor of love. I don’t care if I eat, my brain races during my waking hours as well as my dreams, and the people in my life accept that I have disappeared for a time.
It is a part of who I am.
So when I realized it was time to go Back to the Beginning, the whole process started automatically – what needed to happen, who was going to do what, and how I should lead.
I was ready to scorch the earth and begin rebuilding. Nothing was exempt as I prepared to clear the landscape.
That is when I could almost hear God chuckle as He said “Whoa there, Son of Thunder. My plans for you have not changed.”
This is a conversation we’ve had several times before. It is a reference to John, the brother of James and disciple of Jesus.
More importantly, it is how God sets my boundary lines when I race headlong into a new thing. This time, he clearly laid out what He is asking of me and where I am beyond my authority.
Here is the backstory to help understand His direction.
John had a fiery passion and impatience in bringing new things to life. He famously asked Jesus if He wanted him to destroy a village who did not embrace the Christ. John was ready to wipe out the old and begin building the new Kingdom on that spot. Right then. No waiting.
John didn’t see himself merely as an “idea guy”. He also requested that Jesus seat him at His right- or left-hand when he began His reign. He wasn’t seeking fame. He wanted the authority that came with the position. He was ready to make things happen.
Time and again Jesus described what was to come, and he had to contain John. Peter may have been the rock he would build his church on, and Paul may have articulated theology of the New Testament, but John was ready to begin the construction.
For reasons only He could know, Jesus had plans to transition John from a Son of Thunder into the Apostle of Love. It would be a difficult adjustment.
Throughout Jesus’ life on this earth, John was a firebrand. He is the only disciple who had the moxy to stand at Jesus’ feet while he was being crucified. He was the first to enter Jesus’ tomb while others hid in a locked room. These were acts of open defiance against the Jewish leaders and the entire Roman Empire, challenging them to take action. He was ready for a single word from Jesus to wipe everything away and he was first in line to help him rebuild.
Instead of unleashing the beast inside his disciple, Jesus used some of his final breaths to ask John to become a son to His mother, Mary, and to protect and care for her in his own home (John 19:24-27).
John must have known that he would spend decades on the sidelines, watching others establish the church and transform the world while he patiently cared for an aging lady.
Sometimes the boundaries that God sets for us are hard to accept.
For countless quiet evenings he sorted out his feelings while he sat at home with his surrogate mother, watching her knit for her grandchildren. He heard about other disciples traveling throughout the world spreading the Gospel while he patiently walked with her in the market, helping her to select the best figs because he knew her eyes were failing and her balance was unsteady.
During this long period of time, his heart was changing. The conversion was difficult and slow, but allowed him to emerge as the Apostle of Love.
He is called the Apostle of Love because he wrote more about love than any other New Testament author. The world learned how Jesus loved us from a fiery, defiant disciple who was taken off the field.
It was John who recorded Jesus as he said:
A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. (John 13:34)
It was John who preserved His next words:
By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another. (John 13:35)
And it was John who penned one of the most famous verses in the Bible.
For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life. (John 3:16)
In His perfect wisdom, God used a man who was ready to tear down the world and rebuild it to teach us that we would reflect the Savior if we simply learned to love people like He does.
I can imagine more than most what John felt like when Jesus asked him to stand down and serve Mary.
I wanted to build a nationwide ministry, teaching a different way to share Jesus by meeting physical needs.
Instead He told me to Build Neighbors and let anyone follow if they chose.
I made plans to market my books and blogs and teach countless people how they could improve their relationship with Him.
Instead He told me I could only write about my own experiences and what I learned.
Over the years our group has had several leaders step down, and I have wanted to jump at each new chance to nominate myself.
Instead he told me to print discussion guides for the one he chose to lead and to set the table for the group.
Now I stand ready to take charge at The New Beginning, to create a new group who raises Him high. I have a clear vision, strong passion, and high energy to take charge.
Instead He asked me to meet a friend for breakfast.
When I ask him to let me call down thunder, he tells me to stand down and love each one. When I have asked him to let me lead, he has asked me to serve.
Like He said, His plans for me have not changed and neither have my boundary lines.
What He has asked me to do seems impossible- meet with a group of guys who lost their focus on Jesus because they overvalued relationships and then show them how to focus on Jesus through brotherly love. It seems contradictory. May God grant me patience while I learn to do what He asks.
I have received my assignment and He reminded me of my boundaries. I was allowed to highlight our need to repent. I can walk with them and pick up any who fall down. I can be a full participant in the things that are to come, but I have not been granted authority to lead the change.
The old things have now passed away. We are ready to take our first steps into the New Beginning.
That leaves me with a lot of questions like these.
Who will take the first step?
Who will be called to lead our group?
What will our gatherings look like?
When should we start?
I don’t know any of these answers, but have faith that He will raise up someone for each of these.
If this post isn’t what you expected after the last one, then I can appreciate that. I had already completed my follow-up post laying out my vision, the timing and the responsibilities. It was difficult for me to delete it and accept His direction.
We are ready to enter something new. It is a time for change.
Please listen for His voice. Hear what He has planned for you to do in this season. Maybe He is asking you to step forward as the next leader. Maybe He is calling you to schedule our Beginning. Maybe He is giving you dreams of what we are to become.
He might be giving you a recurring task or maybe it is a one-time thing.
Possibly you haven’t heard anything from Him. You could schedule a prayer gathering to seek His direction.
Whatever the message is, and however large or small it may seem, you are part of His plan.
If He is calling you, it is possible that you are too busy right now. You may be afraid to lead into unknown territory. The timing might not work. You might not be ready. Maybe you just aren’t interested.
It is OK. The greatest beginnings seem to come from reluctant people.
What is your next step?
