My grandfather. James McAfee, was a pilot in World War II and died in the sky over Berlin, Germany in 1945. Although he was survived by two sons who each had their own kids, none of us knew him. His early death snatched away our chance to spend time with him in this world, and we can only look forward to him welcoming us into the next.
I compiled the letters he wrote home to his mom during his brief time in the military in the pair of books Your Loving Son, James – Vol 1 and 2. Those letters coupled with insight into the missions he flew introduced me to a young man full of life with a bright future ahead of him. However, I have already done my best to tell his story so won’t repeat the effort here.
Those letters exposed me to more than a grandfather I never knew. They are an open window into the past that allows a forgotten breeze to blow into our lives, carrying the sights and sounds of a time long since gone. That unexpected treat encouraged me to pull up a chair and watch out that window as other people walked by, unaware they were being watched.
His mother and father regularly strolled past my window, just like his youngest brothers. I watched his flight crew bond as they prepared themselves for battle. These people and more were featured and it was fun to meet them, since most of them died before we met.
My great surprise though was to meet a dark-haired teenager from a small farmtown in those fading pages. The words painted her in rich colors that surpassed the brief stories I had heard about her before. She was still very young but was facing hardships beyond her years.
In order to survive difficult ordeals, most people would develop a hard shell that can repel the severe conditions. This protective shell usually grows thicker as the years pass until cynicism slowly sets in. Gradually expecting less and less from others, isolation is preferable to the pain of disappointment. Alone or in a crowd, they keep a safe space from others.
However, it didn’t seem to work that way with her. In the midst of chaos, she embraced hope. Despite her circumstances she remained positive. As I read page after page of her story, it became apparent that she had a secret that was responsible for her strength. That secret influenced her decisions which in turn created the person we would come to know.
That secret explained how this teenager born into a troubled world would defy the odds to become a sweet, white-haired grandmother who would charm and influence generations.
By that time, we all called her Granny.
Back in 1943, Granny started the year as Ruby Keehn. She was seventeen years old and dating a charming, but older, boy. James McAfee had enlisted in the Army and left their small town in Indiana. He completed basic training and was probably just starting his next phase of training when she found out she was pregnant.
I can only imagine her struggling with whether she should tell her parents or try to hide her condition. She must have been scared of what others would think and worried about how she would support a child. However, she took a chance and told James, hoping for the best.
To her relief, he received the news well. They excitedly made plans to be married and she dreamed of the future they would build together. He would be a strong provider, she would be the doting wife, and this baby would be the first but definitely not the last. In her mind, she could already see them together. Unfortunately, a world at war was keeping them apart.
Love finds a way and she bought a ticket to Mississippi to be with James. She had never traveled that far before but her dreams awaited her on the other end and she began her trek. Upon her arrival, reality set in.
She could not stay on the military base and James was not allowed off-base during the days he was on-duty. She had to rent a room at a family’s house and wait longingly for the brief visits from James when he was off-duty. The room was expensive, but they were determined to find the $25 rent somehow. They began to make wedding plans.
When James told his mother about their pending nuptials, she did not respond as he had hoped. Mother had taken issue with someone in Ruby’s family and did not think she was an ideal choice. What a heartbreaking blow! She had no idea how to improve his mother’s opinion of her since it wasn’t based on anything she had ever done. It was a small consolation when James told her to trust him, that he would smooth things over. Would they really become the family she dreamed about?
Acceptance may have been on her mind, but money was a more urgent problem. Ruby went about looking for a job to pay rent and all of the other necessities of life. She excitedly applied at the first places, telling them how everybody back home knew that she was a hard worker and could work almost all day without taking a break.
One after another, rejections piled up. No matter how qualified she believed that she was, no one would give her a chance. All they saw was an out-of-town girl who had gotten into trouble with one of the countless G.I.s who streamed through town. He would be gone in a few weeks and she would also.
She didn’t quit trying though. She was determined to visit every business in town. She fought to believe in herself and to prove herself worthy even while others viewed her as something less.
Their wedding was nice but not exactly what she had envisioned. It was a rushed event since James wasn’t eligible for a leave. At least James’s mother traveled in for the ceremony and seemed to soften towards her. Ruby was encouraged as her new mother-in-law boarded the bus to return to Indiana.
Maybe they would patch things up after all. She decided that she would keep writing letters to her whether or not she ever responded. Even if it meant risking rejection, she would go first. She would lead with her heart exposed.
Soon enough, she was alone again in her small room. James had a $4 dentist bill and no way to pay it. It made her angry that things were so expensive and while he was risking everything for his country that he couldn’t get basic health care. Moreover, the government frequently didn’t pay him on time. He could go for weeks at a time without a paycheck. If something didn’t happen, they wouldn’t be able to make the next rent and she would have to retreat to her parents’ home that she had so proudly left behind.
On June 8, 1943 she grabbed a piece of paper and a pen and began to write a letter to James’s family. She couldn’t afford her own postage but James could always mail letters for free. She would tuck her pages in with his and hopefully the McAfees would share her letter with her mom and dad, even if they didn’t consider her to be family yet.
She laid across her bed and began writing.
She tried to be strong and scribbled some niceties about the weather and the nice family she lived with. The reality was that she wanted someone to hug her and make everything OK. Ocassionally she stared at the blank page and blotted away her tears, being careful not to let one hit the paper. She wanted to encourage them that their son was OK, not worry them with a tear-stained letter.
When you read carefully you can see the chinks in her armor. Even when focusing on asking about how the corn was coming in, her worries about money crept in. When she talked about her chance to make dinner for James this weekend, all she could afford was dried beans & onion with some potatoes. She wanted to do more for him.
It hurt me to read her words, knowing how hard she was trying but that her fortunes would not soon change. It was a small comfort that God withheld from her any clear view of her future. In less than two years she would be a nineteen-year-old widow with a second son on the way.
Amazingly though, this teenager continued to bend without breaking under the pressure. Somehow she persevered through the pain and never gave up hope. Even if she had known the sorrows that awaited her, I suspect she would have continued to stand strong. Buried in that decades-old letter was her secret that still speaks to us.
Ruby foused more on the people in her life than the circumstances that surrounded her. Even as dark clouds gathered, her face would light up when she talked about James’s youngest brother. She still had the same look decades later when she talked with me about her mom and dad, who lived into my teen years and beyond.
Despite her desire to prove herself to people, she understood that it was more important how she cared for them. Whether they held her in the highest regard or not, she loved them anyway. That simple trait would become a foundation that she built her life around.
On that day she shared her secret with us. Closing a letter that hinted at so many troubles, she told us how she coped with everything. She shared wisdom beyond her young age. When it all gets crazy and you seem to have lost control, focus on what you care most about. She closed her letter with the secret of her strength.
Her love for her kids and grandchildren was never dependent on how we responded to her. If I didn’t visit her when I was in town, she sent me cookies anyway. If I didn’t make room for her on my calendar, she faithfully mailed me a birthday card every year. She did the same for lots of people.
Across the years, her decision to focus on loving people shaped her. It softened her heart and defined her world view.
Sometimes life goes better than we deserve and sometimes it serves up more trouble that we could imagine. Those things come and go. When it all fades away, love remains.
My new goal is to live like she did. Through all the trials of life, my hope isn’t to conquer them and prove that I am more powerful. Instead, I hope to prove to others that they are important to me. Rather than rise above my circumstances, may the love that I share transform the people and world around me.
One day, I hope my legacy is the same as hers. May I raise up people who fearlessly love others.
Thank you, Granny for telling us the secret of your strength. Even more, thank you for making it our inheritance.
If you want to read her letter, click here.
If you want to read them all, they are in Your Loving Son, James – Vol 2 on Amazon (click here).
