Making It On Our Own

After our wedding ceremony and brief reception, Kim and I left the church with all the typical birdseed-throwing and fanfare. Most of the car decorations blew off as we barreled down I-40 to our honeymoon in the mountains of North Carolina.

Without any accrued vacation on my new job, I had managed to beg my boss for three days off. The first one was spent picking up tuxedos, going to rehearsals, etc. That left us with Sunday, Monday, and Tuesday to relax and unwind. However, we checked out of the hotel a day early and drove to South Carolina.

It wasn’t that we didn’t enjoy the honeymoon, which was wonderful. We left because we were so excited to get to our new, shared home that everything else paled in comparison. We were ready to begin our life together, and nothing was going to get in our way.

I was so proud when I opened the door to show Kim everything I had done to get ready. All of the new wedding dishes, cookware, etc were carefully stored in the kitchen cabinets. Our new appliances were arranged on the countertop. All of Kim’s clothes that I had transported on previous trips were arranged on her side of the closet and her shoes were in neat rows beneath them. Our brand-new bed was crisply made.

You could smell the blanket of Carpet Fresh I had sprinkled in an effort to conceal the odor left by the previous occupant’s cat. Every simulated wood surface smelled like lemon Pledge. The bathroom was scoured and shining. The refrigerator was filled with all of the condiments and cooking supplies that I supposed were needed for a grown-up house.

I beamed with pride as Kim walked through each space, checking everything out. We thought it was perfect.

Anyone else would have seen that the building was run-down and paint was falling off the outside. Giant ant hills filled the yard. Grass grew freely through the concrete parking area. The sliding door that served as the entrance to our apartment stuck and took some “getting into it” to make it open. The vertical blinds were arranged to minimize the gaps left by missing or broken slats.

It was a typical first apartment and we thought it was paradise.

I worked hard at my job and we budgeted every penny, making grand plans about how we would make it even more wonderful than it already was.

I did everything I could to convince Kim that I would be a good provider and that she shouldn’t worry because we would make it on our own.

A few weeks later, the phone rang and when I answered, my dad was on the other line. In an unusual twist, he asked if he could talk to Kim. She took the phone and chatted for a few moments, then smiled real big and said “That would be great. Thank you!”

When she handed the phone back to me, I asked Dad what that was all about. He said that my mom had bought a new car and he had offered the old car to Kim as a gift so that we would have a second vehicle. Kim had readily accepted it.

I said, “Dad. I’ve got this. I appreciate the thought, but I can take care of her. I would have told you ‘No’ if you had asked me.”

He replied, “I know. That’s why I asked to talk to Kim.”

I am now the age my father was when he uttered that memorable quote. Erin and Josh are the same age that Kim and I were. I’m pretty sure I have said similar things that are equally confusing to them, but I understand Dad’s perspective now.

Since then, I have learned that making it on my own isn’t much of a goal.

First, if I succeeded in making it totally on my own then I would end up on my own. I would be alone, separated, cut off. I want to grow my circle of friends and family, not shrink it.

Second, I never made it on my own. Our founding fathers crafted the delicate democracy that allows me to enjoy the choices I make. Countless patriots have defended that freedom, willingly laying down their lives so that I could thrive “on my own”. Writers, musicians, actors, and artisans have inspired me. Police address dangers that I never have to know exist.

Teachers poured knowledge into me and spoke over me that I would accomplish great things. Pastors have guided me along a path of righteousness. Co-workers cover for me when I make mistakes. All the staff in my local stores remind me that we are a community. Neighbors watch out for me. Friends hang out and share their lives with me.

Pets have stood by my side throughout my life with a loyalty that never faltered. Family is only a whisper away no matter what or when. My parents provided everything they had for my success. Angels offer their protection against dark forces. Jesus died so that I could live forever.

In his infinite grace, God showers me with blessings and tells me he loves me.

I am a connected part of all creation. Why would I ever want to make it on my own? How could I force anyone else to make it on their own?

I’m thankful that years ago Dad asked me to hand the phone to Kim. He looked past the impetuous pride of a young husband and embraced a new daughter. He showed her that she would never have to make it on her own. It was a perfect gift.

As COVID-19 has erupted everywhere, this holiday season isn’t going to look the same. We will likely have three people around the Thanksgiving table. Christmas parties will be canceled. I don’t know what to do about our annual New Year’s Eve Boat Burning. Perhaps in the stillness though, the holidays will shine more brightly.

I have more opportunities to think about all the people who have shared my life. For the first time in a long time, I am looking forward to shopping for gifts that are “just right”. I want to remind everyone that surrounds me that I am thankful for them. We have more time for that this year.

Next month, Erin and Josh are planning to move from a one-bedroom into a larger two-bedroom apartment in the same complex. They excitedly dream about how they will fill their infinite cavern of newfound space. Their joy transports me across time to when Kim and I first stepped into our apartment.

I want them to know that they will never have to make it on their own. I want to help them move, not because they can’t do it otherwise, but because I want them to feel a connection with family, neighbors, and friends that will change them forever. Life may be hard, but we will do it together. They will grow into mighty leaders that shape our community because they know who they are and what they are a part of.

Their planned move date is Tuesday, Dec 1st. It is the most inconvenient time possible. However, if you want to share in their celebration, please let me know. Just being there is the greatest gift, even if you don’t have much help to offer. We will take appropriate steps to ensure everyone’s safety. This is our gift to them.

May 2020 be a year where we learn to distinguish being by ourselves from being alone. Hallelujah! The holidays are here.

Happy Thanksgiving and Merry Christmas.