Over the past couple of weeks, I’ve been trying to do a better job reaching out to the “forgotten” people in my life. They are people who are important to me, but that I have fallen out of contact with over the past months. The pandemic disrupted our routines, and I allowed them to fade away along with the habits that kept us connected.
These people are more important to me than our shared activities, and I miss them. If this is to be a new world, then we shall have to find our new way in it.
Bob and I had lunch together this past weekend. Bill and I will paint the trim on a neighbor’s house on Saturday (assuming the weather improves). I called my cousin John to follow up on a request that he made back in January. I have also sent texts and emails to other people just to check on them.
One of the responses I got was heartbreaking. It was from a friend who I will call Mark.
Mark has had a long-term battle with substance abuse. I don’t pretend to have any expertise in the area of addiction, but am aware of its devastating effects. The impact of isolation during the COVID-19 outbreak has compounded a difficult situation.
Back in March of this year, Mark’s life was going well. He had a good job and had moved into a nice apartment complex. He was worshipping and working out regularly, which helped his body, mind, and spirit. He was regularly attending a men’s discussion group. He had been sober for a longer time than he could recall.
Then the lockdown hit. Friends hosting men’s discussion groups in their homes canceled “until further notice”. Churches closed their doors. Gyms shuttered. Personal contact was avoided worldwide. Mark’s carefully constructed support structure collapsed around him.
Mark’s facemask concealed an increasingly troubled life. Out of frustration with his loneliness, he began drinking again. A single falling-off grew into a pattern. He was ashamed of his failure, and the voice of his guilt screamed at him in an otherwise empty room. To silence the condemnation, he drank more. His problems escalated as the following days turned into weeks and then months.
Eventually, his problems spilled over into his work life. By the time my text message found him, he was unemployed and hadn’t left his apartment for three weeks. He had hidden the ugly truth and his pending financial collapse from his family and even waited for three days to respond to me, not knowing how to reply. When I heard how desperate things had become, I asked if I could come to see him. I still haven’t gotten a reply.
He is burdened with embarrassment and shame. Everyone can sympathize. All of us have had problems we don’t want the world to know about. Unfortunately, building walls to hide our pain gives it a safe place to grow and expand.
I will find a way to tell Mark that he shouldn’t be ashamed. God has not granted him sufficient strength to defeat every evil. The author of his design is aware that he cannot live up to the ambitions of His spirit. It’s OK. He never asked us to. He has only asked us to love Him, accept His forgiveness, and be content with what He provides.
COVID-19 has created a mirror that twists our reflection to show only the worst of our nature at the lowest possible moment. Alone and cut off from others, Mark can only see what the corrupted mirror reflects.
I wish Mark saw the same man that I do. Sure, I see a guy who has problems, but I also see a dad whose eyes sparkle when he talks about his son. I see a humble son that adores his mom and soaks up every bit of love that she sends him. I see someone whose smile is genuine and spreads until it covers his entire face and then sweeps across the room.
I see in Mark a friend who makes me feel worthy of the trust he places in me. I see a brother in faith that I would march into the fire with. I see a child of The King whose difficult season is preparing him for a glorious future.
I see a soul that shines brightly, even when his actions seem contrary.
So many of us have been locked up alone, staring into the twisted mirror and listening to voices of condemnation. If you are one of these people, I am sorry.
If you have managed to survive this season intact and healthy, please reach out to your “forgotten” friends. You will know the ones that are hurting. They won’t answer their e-mail, texts, phone calls, or other notifications. Keep trying. If they make it hard, try harder. We must break down the walls and free them from the lies. You are their lifeline.
Mark, you know who you are. I will not condemn the depth of your fall. I love you, not because you have it all together. You are my friend because we are better together than either of us are individually.
We will shatter the twisted mirror. I will not leave you behind.
Wow. Great story and what an example you are, Jimmy, of our Father’s love. You chased “Mark” like Our Father does. This writing blessed me and challenged me to reach out to people that I’ve lost contact with, but love….and you, Sir, are one. I miss you brother.
Jimmy, thank you for the excellent reminder of how we need to continuously reach out to “forgotten” friends and family. Many people are struggling with loneliness and depression, and sometimes a short phone call or text provides them with hope and somebody to whom they can reach out. And God often blesses us in the process, regardless of which side of the fence we sit in this story.
Wow, you are one heck of a friend Jimmy! And I’m certain that Mark would feel the exact same way that I do. He and I both are blessed to be able to call you our friend. Love you my friend🙏🏻