In weddings as in life

Erin is engaged and everything was shaping up for a March wedding (click here for the background story). With six months to go, we saw no reason to hurry. We were relaxed and enjoying the scenic route.

Oh, what can change in a few weeks! On three consecutive days, she rattled us. Although I had already noticed that her wishes for the ceremony were undoubtedly non-traditional, she shook me out of my comfort zone as easy as 1-2-3.

She asked if we could pull the wedding forward from March into November. The new date was seven weeks away. Can it be done that fast?

Her first choice for wedding officiant could not make the new date so she asked if I would step into that role. Me a wedding minister? I am all in; stay tuned for more details on that.

She challenged me to save $500 on chair rentals by restructuring the wedding/reception. It’s just not done that way!

Add these factors to an event that is dress casual and has a menu lifted from Snoopy’s Thanksgiving Special. Decoration selections are based on environmental sustainability and avoiding plastics. Other suggestions that have come and gone suggested she go barefoot and have rugs line the grass pathway to the wedding altar.

As more of these unusual elements become incorporated into her big day, it feels strange to be worried about it.  I’ve always had a rebellious streak and enjoy departing from people’s expectations. It bothers me when people rigidly hold to a ritual without giving consideration to its usefulness. I joyfully cast aside images of success in favor of deeper relevance.

Suddenly, I have become the defender of traditions that my daughter is gleefully discarding. I have started to wonder what my friends will think. Where is the dividing line between quirky and weird?

What is she thinking?

It is easy to dismiss her perspective as being “Generation Z”. We thought Millenials were confusing, but as their youngest now enter their mid-twenties, this new batch is coming of age. These are the children of the Great Recession, raised in a world where technology is cheap and abundant but tradition is a luxury. They will shatter images of how things have always been done.

I am trying to shift my focus away from what she is casting aside, and look at the things she is embracing. What does her style say about her passion?

I like what I see and can learn from her.

Erin knew that a March wedding would give her six months to work out a million details, but she doesn’t want to invest that time fabricating one perfect day. Instead, she wants to get married and savor the time with her true love.

There are a lot of ministers who could guide them through their vows seamlessly, but she isn’t emotionally connected to them. Instead, she chose an aunt that has loved her well. When logistics required a change, she asked me to fill in. Either of us would inevitably stumble over the words, but she selected us for our faithfulness to help them to live by the vows that they make.

Erin is in charge of her wedding budget and she has argued with me about overspending on chairs, clothes, food, and lots more. These items are insignificant to her. However, she has never questioned a guest we asked to invite, even as the list became longer than she had planned. She always chooses friends over frills.

They recently booked accommodations for their honeymoon. Josh’s family blessed them with the ability to travel almost anywhere. They will be staying in a quiet, rustic place in the hill country right here in Texas. Establishing roots and growing connection to her friends and the land they live on is more important than exotic scenery.

At her request, I spent the past weekend building a photo backdrop for their reception. It is 7’6″ tall by 6’6″ wide and I am really happy with how it is turning out. She chose a cedar structure with a chevron design that can be modified afterward to become the headboard for their bed. She doesn’t like to use things once and cast them away when their purpose has expired. Instead, she carefully weaves her present into her future. Once you find your way into her life, there will always be a place for you there.

Erin is a product of the times she was raised in and many of her choices will forever remain a mystery to me. But the more time I spend asking “why” instead of challenging “what”, I like what I learn.

The wedding may seem a bit strange at times, but those who look closely will see her beautiful spirit throughout it. What more could a father ask?

In weddings as in life, she is reminding me to focus on what is truly important. My eyes can only be filled for a moment, but my heart can overflow for a lifetime.